Ask Babs! vol. 002

Babs has seen it all! Dating in Austin can be weird (unlike other cities where it's normal)! Babs has helped both the sexually frustrated and the sexually liberated navigate their dating and relationship woes, curiosities, and fancies. There's no knot she can untie or screw!

Do you have a question burning you up? Submit your anonymous question through this form HERE

Here are this week's questions:

How do I ask my friends to set me up with their really attractive single friends without sounding desperate? It seems weird to ask because it's my idea and not theirs.

BABS:

This is the fork in the road Robert Frost was yammering about. You could:

1. Sneak into their houses and whisper in their ear who you’d like to be set up with. Through the power of repetition & osmosis, they will think its their idea & you’ve got yourself a date (and a felony).

2. Ask your friends about their friends only if you actually think it may go somewhere. Once your friends think you’re just spraying & praying, you lose credibility and may appear desperate. If you hit it off with a mutual friend at a party, your friends would love to connect you!

My lover is very close with their dog so much so that it gets a little too close for comfort when we do the deed (sex). How do I politely get the dog out of the bedroom so I can focus on love making instead of the inquisitive snout sniffing my bare ass? -Anonymous

BABS:

Everyone but PETA can read this. PETA folks need to close this page & smash their computer or burn this magazine.

Condition the dog to be scared of your bare ass so just the sound of you unzipping your pants sends them flying out the room. Make time during foreplay to include pulling out a scary mask and making yourself big (like you do to scare away a bear). Repeat & iterate till you’re free to do the deed in peace. If all else fails, I’d recommend direct communication with your lover.

How do you move on after killing your husband?

BABS:

Prison is going to offer you a buffet of options to get you through this trying time. For your sake, I’m hoping you’re hot so you get a sexy murderer nickname like the “Black Widow.”

She's done it again! Ain't no one like Babs! Tune in next time to maybe see your problem solved!

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